I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
