i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
