Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
