I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize