I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
