How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
