His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
