please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
