if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
