I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize