Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
