fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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