I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
