Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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