u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
even my farts smell like vagina
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
