Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize