she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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