When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
