Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
