I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna fight the coyote
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
