batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
