Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
