I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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