The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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