If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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