covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
