Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
