3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
