I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
