If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
