my phone needs a breathalizer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
