Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
