I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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