you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
