All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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