I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
