did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
