it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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