I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
