You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
