I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
