I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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