you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
