Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
