Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
