Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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