Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
