I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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