I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
