College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
