Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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