Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
