Welp...herpes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
