Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
