remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
