I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
