You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
this hospital has no fireball
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
