He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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