At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize