I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
