So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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