moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize