Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
someone owes me an orgasm
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
