The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like, not good at living.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
