my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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