it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize