remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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