I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
