i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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