It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
