This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize