Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
