Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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