your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
