Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
