The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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