yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
