And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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