How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
