its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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