I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
