Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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