Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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