I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
