I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
