My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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