My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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