She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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