There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
