Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
