we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
