So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
