So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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