dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
