he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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