Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
