Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
