I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
